Story IV: Drums

I've always wanted to play the drums.  Not sure why but love the sound, the movement, the connection to the beat ... of the heart perhaps.  Two weeks ago I got to play the conga drums at church as the young kids sang.  It was so cool.  I had to laugh a woman half-way to 110 playing the drums as young girls (average age 10) sang and clapped their hands.

Life is good.

The beat of our hearts is great.

We carry music with us everywhere we go!

Shhhh if you are quiet and listen ... you will hear your heart beat.

The story goes on.

What instrument have you always wanted to play?

Story III: Saying Goodbye

Death has alluded me. 

When I was 10 Uncle Jimmy died

When I was 22 Grandma Johnson died

When I was 26 Grandpa died

When I was 48 Mormor died.

A young child

A young adult

Then not again until I was considerably older.

I really didn't know Uncle Jimmy.

Grandma Johnson, she was my "old fashioned" grandma with white hair, and baked bread.  I don't remember if she drove a car.  I do remember that she taught me not to park the car too close to the curb because it was easier to step into the street then up.  She taught me how to help someone get their coat on without having to reach up!  She liked Wedgewood ... made quilts .... and always went to church.

Grandpa ... he always had candy in the car, smoked a cigar, made animals on our backs, let us go to the factory (Gall Furniture) on Saturdays, took pictures, wore a hat, and ate broiled grapefruit for 55 years of marriage even though he didn't like it.  He bought a small electric organ because he like the sound of music, he worked in his garden, went to Rotary, and was proud of being Danish.

Mormor (Swedish for mother's mother) was my grandmother and lived to 102 years..  She lived in a home which they built in 1956 until 3 months before she died.  She was shy, she was cautious, she liked to go to Bible study, had lots of rules about manners, and loved to give wedding and baby showers.  Whenever we left her house on Dudley Ave. she would stand on the front porch to wait for us to drive by after turning around ... then she would wave goodbye.  She didn't want to leave her house to move to Salem ... after all that is where she used to serve coffee to the old folks (the ones that were younger than her!).  

I didn't get to say goodbye to Uncle Jimmy, Grandma J or Grandpa before their death.  I did get to say goodbye to mormor.  I talked to her on the phone and told her I would be there Thursday ... mom said she wasn't doing well ... so I hopped an early flight scheduled to arrive Wednesday.  There were weather delays.  I didn't get there until Thursday.  She had waited until Thursday.  I think she knew that I was there ... I read to her in Swedish ... I laid down with her.  I fell asleep holding her ... woke up .... she had died.   It was nice to say goodbye.

Story II: The Anchor

I had dinner with a friend tonight ... 

We had only talked twice in the last several years, briefly last year at a convention and then many years ago on the phone.  It was the phone conversation that ended poorly.  

I carried a burden of my contribution to the conflict for about seven years.  It weighted me down like an anchor.  I blamed myself for the loss of  friendship ... for responding to an email and something that was said that I felt was out of line.  I took a risk and shared what I was feeling  ... it "blew up" and it felt as though there had been an earthquake ... a huge crack between two friends.

So ... last night we talked.  He couldn't figure out what I was talking about.  I said I was sorry.  

So a one sided burden I carried.

I lost years of a friendship ... 

Guess I should have pulled the anchor up sooner ... 

What is weighing you down?

The Penny: The Story

The children at church are participating in "Pennies for Peace."

Today I stopped to buy a cup of coffee.  $2.09.

I gave the cashier $2.10.

"Would you like your penny"

"No.  No, wait.  The kids at church are collecting pennies for peace."

The cashier said ... 

"Here."

She opened the drawer

Grabbed about THIRTY pennies. 

"Let me give you some dimes." I responded.

She continued handing me the pennies ... 

"Here, just take them.

Lots of people leave their extra pennies."

Thanks.

Pennies for peace

Pennies for building schools

Pennies ... they are worth a lot.

Thanks.

I think Abe would be happy

So will the kids at church!

Shrove Tuesday

"On Shrove Tuesday, many Christians make a special point of self-examination, of considering what wrongs they need to repent, and what amendments of life or areas of spiritual growth they especially need to ask God's help in dealing with. Often they consult on these matters with a spiritual counselor, or receive shrift."

    So ... why then pancakes?  why then Mardi Gras?  why then partying?

    Is it our way to avoid the self-examination? Or is it our way to have one last fling?

"Carnival, which means 'farewell to meat.' " 

      The beginning of the fast?  No meat?

"Shrove Tuesday is also called Fat Tuesday (in French, Mardi=Tuesday; gras=fat, as in "pate de foie gras", which is liver paste and very fatty), because on that day a thrifty housewife uses up the fats that she has kept around (the can of bacon drippings, or whatever) for cooking, but that she will not be using during Lent. Since pancakes are a standard way of using up fat, the day is also called Pancake Tuesday."

      So no fat during Lent?

Sometimes when I explore the internet I just get more confused.

So here is my take on it

Shrove Tuesday is the final "gaiety" time before the 40 days of contemplation.

So instead of giving up something ... 

I think I will take up something!

I have it ... 30 minutes a day walking ... 

Contemplative time 

What will you take up?

Under the surface

Rennes, France

Sometimes it is below the surface that one discovers unique patterns, colors, designs, and stories.  Just as this relief has been discovered after meticulous work ... discover the stories that lie under the surface take time.  We often think of getting to know others better but knowing more of what they are inside ... what they think, how they feel, their spiritual lives, their stories.

It even takes time and gentleness to discover the stories that lie within ourselves.

Perhaps as we move into the season of lent ... this is a time when we can dig deep, reflect, explore our stories, discover our unique patterns, colors and designs.

So what is Lent

"Lent is marked by a time of prayer and preparation to celebrate Easter. Since Sundays celebrate the resurrection of Jesus, the six Sundays that occur during Lent are not counted as part of the 40 days of Lent, and are referred to as the Sundays in Lent. The number 40 is connected with many biblical events, but especially with the forty days Jesus spent in the wilderness preparing for His ministry by facing the temptations that could lead him to abandon his mission and calling. Christians today use this period of time for introspection, self examination, and repentance."

What is your story?

Why a blog?

I have always been a journal writer ... from the adolescent diary with a lock and key to a three ring binder in college with the writing guided by a master professor to a comfy leather bound book. I've taught workshops on journal writing and spiritual development ... and as a means of prayer.

So why did I get on the blog circuit?
I found that I would write more at the computer ...
I found I could combine my photography with words.

So .. I try to think of the moments in time that struck me ..
And I write about them
Somedays I start with a pictures ...

Somedays I start with a word ... 

Somedays I share an experience ... 

Somedays I think I will start a series ...

So today ... 

Today I met Lila

Today I gathered at the table

the table of the eucharist

the dinner table with my parents

Today 

I walked in the rain

Enjoyed a fresh cup of coffee

Broke bread with my niece and her husband

Shared ice cream with my brother and his family

Today 

Today was a good day

It was a full day

The night calls 

It is time to rest.

Tomorrow is another day ... 

So to answer the question

Why the blog .... no one reason

Should I continue the journey?

I think so.

Will you join me? 

I hope so

Yosemite Valley

September 2008

Dad, where were you December 7th?

"You mean December 7th 1941?
I was with your mother.
It was a Sunday and we left the church and we were going to the Colonial Cafeteria …
About five blocks from Lake Merritt
We were with your grandparents, Carl and Marie (my Uncle and Aunt) and the Nystroms."

How did you find out?

"We were walking and at 14th and Broadway the newspaper boys were shouting

'Extra extra. Japanese attacked Pearl Harbor' "

We still went to lunch ... 

Then we went home and listened to the radio

Mom was only 17 years old … 

Dad was 21

Note:  WWII Veterans are dying at the rate of more than 1,000/day

We need to ask the questions today

Thanks, Dad

Home ... Oakland

Somewhere in this picture is the house our family moved to when I was 10 years old.   The two big edifices are a) Mormon Temple (big parking lot) and b) Greek Orthodox (round dome).  Now I took this picture on my way home to Rochester from Oakland at Christmas.  Mom and dad still live here ... my bedroom is no longer my bedroom ... the "rumpus room" in the basement is where I stay when I am here.  We can still see San Francisco from the front window and on a clear day it seems as though one can see forever.

It is a hanging out weekend ... doing things with the folks ... and cooking some meals that will end up in the freezer when I leave.  Today dropped Dad at church for men's breakfast while I went for coffee.  This afternoon we headed to Tiburon to have lunch at the old Swedish bakery. The only thing Swedish now is the sign with the three crowns!  While dad had Swedish pancakes ... they were not how I remember them (simple, plain, thin, with lemon and sugar).  These were yuppified ... but still good according to dad!  Mom was sure they would still sell Limpa bread ... she asked ... and they did sell her a loaf from the kitchen (they only have it to serve with meals!). For dinner we switched countries: fajitas and Mexican beer.  We have even yuppified the Mexican food with mango salsa!

Conversations around the table with brother Doug and family include telling stories from the past ... and talking about the future of the grandchildren.  We talk about growing older and friends and families who are no longer alive.  We all have different memories of grandparents and parents ... share what we like and dislike about our names ... and discover what we believe to be truth (which are often a combination of reality and desire!)

It's important to take the time to drive to and remember the "old places".  There were lots of  "I remember when"  "So and so used to live here."  "Gee this has sure changed."  etc. etc.

What do you wish you had asked your parents?

Mine are still alive ... I think I will stop writing now ... and ask my dad a couple of questions. 

P.S. Mom's Swedish Pancakes are the best.

I did offer to make Danish pancakes tomorrow night.  Wonder if they will be as good as I remember them?!

Winter Travel

It's 5AM and 16 degrees outside.

I just love these 6AM flights.  I am hopeful to sleep well, but fearful that I will get to the aiport on time.  No matter how many times fly this early, I calculate and recalculate what time I need to get up ... then I set the alarm.   But that isn't enough, I go through the process one more time.  My drive to the airport used to be 8 minutes ... now it is 13!  Well maybe 14 or 12 depending on traffic. At 4:30 in the morning there isn't much traffic!  That isn't even shift change at companies!    For those of you familiar with Rochester you also know this is a pretty small airport relatively speaking ... but busiest at 6AM.  

I'm relatively organized for this trip ... actually it is only a weekend jaunt to San Francisco to see the family and meet the new baby.  I actually had the luggage in the car before I went to bed ... so my only "chore" was walking Theodore.  16 degrees, folks ... and I had to go walk the dog!  There is little light from the moon .. so I bundle up with wet hair and all.  Out we go ... I inform him (as if he can understand me) that this is going to be a short one and he better get right to his business because this was not leisurely walk around the block.   Somehow he must have understood as we only needed to go to the next house ...  Whew, after all it is only 16 degrees. 

Well am in NYC now ... and it has warmed to a balmy 32 degrees ... but soon I will board the 757 to SFO ... please let it be warmer there!  

Landing here was beautiful ... watching the sun rise on Manhattan with light bouncing off the buildings.  I am amazed at the density of concrete and glass on the island.  I keep thinking it should sink!  But what do I know about architecture/geology and everything else that goes into building on an island.

Flights been called ... i need to leave.

Update ... I made it. 

Sun is shining in San Francisco

Where are you going today?

Where ever it might be ... watch the patterns of light bouncing. 

Laugh Some More

ahhh 

The joy of twins

1920

That's my dad ... 

to the left

That's my uncle

To the right

Check out the pants

Or big diapers?

I'll have to ask Dad

I see him tomorrow!

P.S. He still likes to make babies laugh!

(according to dad:  Bloomers!)

St. Theresa's Prayer

'May today there be peace within. May you trust that you are exactly

where you are meant to be. May you not forget the infinite

possibilities that are born of faith in yourself and others. May you

use the gifts that you have received, and pass on the love that has

been given to you. May you be content with yourself just the way you

are. Let this knowledge settle into your bones, and allow your soul

the freedom to sing, dance, praise and love. It is there for each and

every one of us.'

Laugh now!

Its been a while since I had a good hearty laugh! Remember laughing so hard that tears came to your eyes and well, yes, maybe even pee in your pants?! We really need to laugh more ... smile more ... and not take the world so seriously. We need to do a better job of experiencing life, laughing at life, and loving life

This gap-toothed, red-haired, plaster icon actually terrified generations of kids at San Francisco's Playland-at-the-Beach ... myself being one of them! She stood in the corner window of the playhouse ... the house with the distorted mirrors, wobbly walkways, and all things fascinating to young children. But now as an adult I can look back at her and remember the fun days, the salt water air, the bus ride from Oakland to San Francisco, those magical machines which told our fortunes, our weight, and gave us shocks! These are the memories of childhood ... of the carefree days. And believe it or not, the only day that I "cut school" ... Simone D and I went to the beach across from playland and made sand candles. (now I was so scared I would be caught that I don't think I had fun that day)

But back to today ... when was the last time that I had a good laugh ... when was the last time that you had a good laugh.
Why don't we do that more?
Why do we have to try to hard to be so productive.

Laugh ...
Move your shoulders ...
Run in the rain ...
Walk in the snow ...
Play cards ...

Laughter ... it really does break down barriers.

Live Now ...

It was right in front of me all the time

I was getting stuck in the recess of the wall ... when just to the left was the message

LIVE NOW

Step back ... 

Look up

Look down

Look right

Look left 

There ... right in front of me

LIVE NOW

Live now

Love now

It doesn't mean living with reckless abandon ... 

Without knowledge of the past

Without anticipating the future

It means

Not being stuck in the past

Not being stuck in the future

It means 

Live now

Knowing the past

Being aware of the future 

Live now, my friends

Love now, my friends

Let the hurt from the past go

Let the fear of the future go

Live now ... 

Love now ... 

Help ... I'm Stuck

I'm stuck

I really really want to get through ... 

But no matter what I try to do ... I am still stuck

The Platform

Standing alone
waiting
wondering

Where has it been
Where is it going

The chill of the evening

The damp settles to

reflect the lives

of those sleeping inside

The dark of the evening

The silence lingers

Reflects the emptiness

The loneliness inside

Behind the shadow

The platform calls

Come aboard

Come aboard

Around the Table

its Sunday ... table time ..
time to commune ... the sharing of the bread and wine
time to commune ... the sharing of a meal with friends
time to commune ... coming together being part of a community

Around the table to laugh, eat, play, pray
Connecting with other
With our eyes, our smiles, our hands, our hearts

Around the table ....
We gather together
We ask the Lord's blessings

Around the table ...
We gather together
We give thanks

A Father's Love .... :)

Silence is Golden

The dance of words

We stood on the edge of the boat watching for the whales.  Now I would have been happy to see just one ... in fact, I didn't even bring the "good camera" with the telephoto lens.  So after 4 hours of riding around getting the tan, swimming with the turtles, watching in awe the fish who glide through the water around the coral, we came across a "competitive group" of about 10 whales.  Yes, count them 10 .... 9 male and 1 female.  All for the chance to be the father.

It was under the water where the action was.  The guys were seeking to become the "primary" male ... and they do this by "slapping one another", "head butting" "snorting" "inflated head lunge" "tail snapping".  Wow ... 

So what we see as beautiful .. amazing ... is really a dance of words.  

Its about social order

Its about territory 

Its about attraction

Its about power

Its about relationships

Its the dance of whale words 

Sometimes I think we as humans dance with words

Who is your dancing partner?  And what dance are you doing?

In the beginning was the Word

Words are very powerful ...

There is the word of God ... new testament and old testament

"In the beginning was the Word .... and the in the beginning was the Word, and the Word was with God, and the Word was God." John 1:1

Now that is power ...

"The grass withers, the flower fades, But the word of our God stands forever. " Isaiah 40:8

Ahhh .... it is the word of God which stands firm ... stands forever ... is God.

Tomorrow ... the word of us mere mortals ... stay tuned~

The Big Picture

How do you manage keeping a watch out for the big picture?  In the course of a day there are so many distractions ... from email to phone calls to laundry to mail ... etc.  I have way too many email accounts, two phone numbers, transition from travel to office, the daily news, two newspapers that I read ... but ... I wish I could ignore some things ... 

I want to go back to this outlook ... the ocean, rocks, Lanai in the background.  

I want to sit and dream, to believe in what can be .... 

I want to do less ... and do what I am doing better.

I am back on the cliff .... 

the warmth of the sun, the water crashing against the beach, the smell of the salt ... 

How do you manage distractions? 

forgetting and remembering

Forgetting and remembering ... 

I try to forget things that drive me crazy .. then suddenly something happens 

An emotion is triggered and it all comes back again ... 

I wish somedays that I didn't feel so deeply

That I could just let things roll off my back like water off a duck

A smell ... might bring me back to a place that holds good memories

    passing bay a dairy reminds me of one of the first schools I worked at (good memories)

    a draft beer reminds me of midsommer in Sweden

    these are the good memories

    

Its the uncomfortable memories that are hard ... that I wish I could let go of ... and start again.

Remembering really does come with forgetting ... 

Forgetting does come with remembering ... 

Come sit with me ... then, let's move on

the day ends

Now the day is over ... night is drawing near ... 

It is time to wind down ... 

The sun sets

Breathing deepens 

Heart rate slows

I wrap my self in a prayer shawl

And contemplate on the day

Giving thanks for life

For warmth

For friends

For worship

For family

For a job

I am wrapped in love

I am wrapped in peace

thanks be to God

How do you wind down?

Waters of Baptism

Marked as a child of God

God's unbreakable promise of forgiveness

God's unbreakable promise of newness of life

Splash some water on today... 

in the shower

at the sink

at the baptismal font

Remind yourself of the promises

How great thou art!

Look further

Things may not always be what they seem on the surface.  

Taking another perspective provides more depth to knowledge.

On the surface these patterns are just another shade of green .., 

Yet underneath they pop out with new colors.

Look closely

Turn over a new leaf

Deepen your understanding

Take a new perspective

Soak it in 

Deepen your understanding

Dressed in Gentleness

The words of others sometimes/often say it the best.  

"Once in a while we meet a gentle person. Gentleness is a virtue hard to find in a society that admires toughness and roughness. We are encouraged to get things done and to get them done fast, even when people get hurt in the process. Success, accomplishment, and productivity count. But the cost is high. There is no place for gentleness in such a milieu.

Gentle is the one who does "not break the crushed reed, or snuff the faltering wick" (Matthew 12:20). Gentle is the one who is attentive to the strengths and weaknesses of the other and enjoys being together more than accomplishing something. A gentle person treads lightly, listens carefully, looks tenderly, and touches with reverence. A gentle person knows that true growth requires nurture, not force. Let's dress ourselves with gentleness. In our tough and often unbending world our gentleness can be a vivid reminder of the presence of God among us."

From the Henri Nouwen Society

Today ... let us dress in gentleness

Aging with Grace

As I grow older I wish that I will age with grace

I will hold onto the traditions 

I will laugh and cry

I will see how I have changed

I will see how I have stayed the same

It is in the heart that we dance

We dance with aging 

We dance with intentionality

Gliding with the music

As the beat subsides

Gracefully we dance

Showing our love

With our hands and our hearts

May I age with this grace .... 

How are you doing it?